All in the name

Couple of weeks back I caught up with one of my good friends. She was planning her visit to India end of year for her Brother-In-Law’s wedding and was excited about the trip. She even shared with me the sarees / jewellery she planned for the wedding and the purchases she had planned for the wedding. She asked me for gift suggestions … games that could be played after / during the wedding etc etc … one thing for sure, she was certainly looking forward to this trip.

Over the weekend, I caught up with the same friend again and I could see a drop in her excitement. It did not take long before I found out the reason. Apparently her in-laws had taken the liberty of changing her last name to their family name and had it printed on the card. (The cards were not finalized …) What is strange is that both her in-laws are quite educated and do understand her preferences for her name. (There have been other instances where she has made it clear that she prefers her name a certain way) Another point that irks her is that her MIL, has not opted for the family name, she continues to keep her Sur name before marriage. When her MIL holds so much importance to her Sur name, why not give the same respect to my friend’s last name?

I can see my friend’s point here. I think the name change after marriage should be solely the individual’s decision. (may be the husband can pitch in … but wife should have the final say). I hold my name (Initial. First name, Sur name) in high regards. I have been known all my life before marriage by my name. My first or last name alone may not ring a bell to many … but together a lot of folks identify me and I like my name just the way it is. BP supported my decision wholeheartedly when I did not want to change my name after marriage. A lot of friends did change their name … most with their consent. My mom changed her name too, again her decision.

In the above friend’s case, she had decided to keep her name and her husband was just fine with it. Now, she is all excited about her BIL’s wedding, she has been upset over this name issue. When her husband pointed it out to his parents, they initially brushed it aside as being childish. Now they have settled down with just her first name being printed, while everyone else keeps their full name!!