I am learning to let go ....

I was brought up in a house which was spotlessly clean. Guests flowed in any time of the day and were welcomed to a warm lovely house which made them relax instantly. My mother always believed in "Cleanliness is next to Godliness". Dad fully supported this idea. When I was young, I shared the room with my sister and grandparents. Dad always spread the mattresses / beds out and ensured that there was not a single crease after the sheets were set. Our blankets were neatly set. We promptly fell asleep with the ceiling fan running full speed. Dad again folded back everything and neatly arranged them in the cupboard.
My mom never hired a maid because she was never satisfied with the quality of work done by any one of them. My sister and I always asked her to hire some help ... but she wouldn't. Even today, she does everything herself from mopping, washing, sweeping to cooking. Having grown up in a house where cleanliness was top priority, I have felt strongly about it.

On the other hand, BP comes from exactly opposite background. I was surprised when I stayed in my in-laws house for the first time. The maid came in the morning, washed some utensils and left without mopping or sweeping since most folks were still asleep. The dried clothes were left on the terrance and no one had bothered to bring them back and fold them. The washed utensils were left on the dining table and were used directly from that place. No one kept it back in the kitchen ... I observed many other things which were totally different from the way I was brought up. I did not reason with them and tried to do some chores myself ... but then again they wouldn't allow me to do anything since I was the new bride.

When I came to live in the US, I found it extremely difficult during the initial days to manage all chores by myself. It irked me when BP threw a wet towel on the bed or walked into the bed room with shoes on. Later I learnt the reason why cleaning was not priority in BP's place. Until the time BP was 13, they had stayed in joint family of about 25 members, in a 2 bedroom house. They were not financially well off and each adult tried to work and contribute to the family. While the men went out to work, some of the women tried to stitch, grind coffee and earn some money. My MIL along with her MIL (BP's grandma) cooked for everyone. There were about 10 kids of various ages moving in and around the house. No matter how much they tried they could never keep the house clean. And they got adjusted to this way of living. So even when they separated out of the joint family, cleanliness never come to them as it had not become a habit.

Why now all this ramblings about cleanliness ... well, with spending time with kids, office work, cooking etc cleaning seems to have taken a back seat in our house these days. Its not like we are living in a junkyard of a house ... but it is not the same it used to be. I can occasionally see a bag of un-ironed clothes in the cupboard, couple of dishes in the sink, toys in the kids' room and the biggest culprit ... MAILS .... they are on the kitchen counter !!!!!!
It used to be extremely irritating and I'd yell at BP and sometimes at Cantaloupe too .... I wanted a spotlessly clean home and could hardly keep one. No matter how much I tried, either there was not enough time OR I'd be exhausted to do it myself. (BP pitched in ... but then someone was to take care of the kids and he would end up doing that most of the times) Then one day BP reminded me that though our house was not perfect, it was still our home where we needed to RELAX and enjoy as a family. I thought about it for few days and started believing in what he said.
Now, I still try to keep the house clean ... but the occasional wet towel on the bed OR the small truck under the stairs no longer irritate me ... I am learning to let go.