Parents are just back from their East Coast trip. They visited atleast 5 cousins of mine during their trip. Before they left for their trip, we had marathon shopping sessions buying gifts for everyone. One of the cousins had a baby just a week back and I was very particular about what I wanted to gift the new parents. I was sure about buying something which they would certainly use. Likewise, for all other cousins too, I handpicked items which I was certain they would use. (had got clues about their choice of items during our conversations).
My parents got back yesterday and passed on the gift the said new parents had sent for Cantaloupe. It was a Dora night dress. The material is pathetic .... the color is horrible (really wonder if any one buys such colors) .... I could go on and on ... in plain sentence, "It is an Insult in the name of gift".
I am upset. I know this cousin of mine .... she is very very particular in her clothing, items she buys for herself, home decoration etc. I lived with her for almost a year and I have seen her selections ... they are very tasteful. My mom also mentioned that she has furnished her house beautifully and has bought items from all over the globe to decorate her home. Why then did she pick that stupid night dress for my kid ? If she didn't gift me anything, it could have bothered me least. But why gift something as horrible and say "We handpicked it for Cantaloupe" ... handpicked... ?????????
Here is something I would like to establish about gifting (I know the said cousin is not reading my blog)
- Do NOT gift anyone unless you really want to. Just don't gift something for the purpose of it and to show off with others that you have gifted.
- Gift something that you would use if someone gifted the same item to you. (I would not even donate things to unaffordable people, the items / clothes are in good condition. The reason I may be donating would be that I no longer use those items)
Better NOT gifting, than gifting crappy items and insulting the receiver.
9 comments:
Hi CA,
Gosh I could do a whole long post on gifting...
May be I will...
I am sorry you had to feel this way...I know how you feel - sometimes you put in so much effort for the other person and esp if it is someone who can afford a nice gift why can't she just send somehting nice! It doesn't have to be expensive but just thoughtful...or nothing is much better. I sometimes just feel like asking the other person what the point of the gift was in that case!
Uh oh. Somehow I am not big on gifts.. I try to put in some effort to buy something nice but I feel that gifting has become a way to keep up with the Joneses and not genuine.
Nowadays I stick to cash/gift cards they are impersonal but atleast nobody will get offended.
One thing though, you said your cousin is a new mom, it could be that they felt obligated to get cantaloupe something, knew that she likes Dora and made an honest effort to get something in the short span of time they had? You know how hard it is as a new mom right?
Just playing Devil's advocate here..
@Noon: Precisely ... you know what this blog is my way of asking the person why she insulted us. It would have not bothered me a bit if I didn't receive anything from her...
@Poppins: I wish I could give her the benefit of a new mom. But according to her, she had "Hand picked" the stupid dress more than 2 months back. She had the nerve to flaunt all her child's new clothes to my mom (with not a single one in the material gifted) ...
Knowing this cousin so well, I know it was very cheap on her end the way she gifted
I am with you on this one! :) Feel better, hmm?
I am with you..but not all the people think like us ..i did a post on gifting sometime back
Very well written post CA, I visit here pretty regularly but haven't commented. The points you laid out are very true! It is better off not gifting at all rather than recycling gifts or thoughtless items hastily purchased and packed.
@SS: Thank you ... I started feeling much better after venting on the blog :)
@Swati: You know what, a lot of people are aware of this, but still continue to do it.
@mnamma: No gifting is the best bet ... but if one wants to really feel like gifting someone, they must try the gift cards or the gift registry ...
I can understand. I frequently pass on gifts that I know The Bhablet will not be using (for instance frilly pink dresses, no idea why they give him those) but I am always careful to only give something which is nice enough for me to want to use for my own child.
I'm guessing someone gave your cousin this dress and she being so particular about her own baby, passed it along hoping you would not mind.
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