Are you open about your child's short comings or you don't talk about them with your friends?
As far as I am concerned ... I am not a very vocal person. I do not open up easily ... I take my time. Once I am comfortable with the person, I speak honestly. Mostly I underplay my kids ... that is something I am working on. I need to give them credit for their achievements and not necessarily talk about their short comings with friends.
But I have seen some moms who are very vocal right from the word go ... and all they talk is about how best the child is in sports ... academics.... etc. That amazes me actually.
There was one on one parent-teacher conferences 2 weeks back. The teacher set the expectations of each child and discussed on areas they could work on. For Eg: For Cantaloupe, the teacher said that she should really try to keep her hands to herself and not help other kids in her table. So when we mommies were discussing about how the conferences went, all parents maintained their child was almost perfect. Really ???
So, are you honest or you discuss your child's shortcomings as well?
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Morning madness
Another thursday dawned ... the alarm went off at sharp 5:30am. I snuggled in my comforter and hugged BP to latch on the last few minutes of sleep. Within 5 minutes we both were up and headed to get our chores done. I took my shower and came down to see Junior in BP's arms. He trying hard to feed her the milk and she refusing it. I continued to add on spices to the boiling water he had kept for our morning tea. We had our tea and he rushed upstairs to get dressed to work.
I prepared breakfast (poha), packed 3 lunch dabbas for BP, Cantaloupe and self, set the cooker for rice and dal, prepared fresh coffee decoction and was cutting the apples for Cantaloupe's lunch when I heard her voice. Meanwhile BP came down and left for work. I went upstairs to find Cantaloupe awake and wanted to play with Junior on her bed. The little was only too eager to oblige. Good... I can prepare rasam I thought and headed back to the kitchen. I could hear the girls having a good time. 10 mins later I went upstairs ... Junior jumped at me indicating she was done playing there and I asked Cantaloupe to come downstairs. We turned on some nursery rhymes and were singing and dancing for some time. I looked at the clock and it was close to 8'o clock. I asked Cantaloupe to rush to the bathroom so we were not late. Thats when everything started going wrong.
First she reminded me that she had not studied in the morning. (we usually sit together and study / pray for 15 mins in the morning). I was kind of worried we'd be late to school, but couldn't refuse her because afterall she wanted to "STUDY" :) She took her own sweet time to write the alphabets pausing every now and then to play with Junior and just look around or yawn. I was getting irritated by every second she was wasting but tried to be patient with her. It was around 8:20 and she was finally done. Good ! Now come on ... lets go for the bath I said. I am sleepy ... can I sleep? She asked. I knew she had her mind set on sleep .. How long? I asked ... Just 1 minute she assured me. I put the breakfast in a bowl and heated her milk and returned back and ordered her to go to the bathroom immediately. But I want to sleep for some more time she tried arguing.
Fine, I will get dressed and then take you to school in exactly the same state that you are in I said calmly. She thought I was kidding and didn't take me seriously.
2 minutes later I declared, I am done ironing my clothes, if I don't see you in the bathroom now, you will not get a bath. Perhaps it was my tone that made the difference and she went to the bathroom. I bathed her and out she came for a new tantrum. I don't want you to pick my clothes... I want to pick it. I said, its already picked and if you don't want to wear these, you get another to wear. She did not protest much.
She said her prayer and I gave her milk. She tried to be extra sweet and requested , Amma can I have my TV while eating breakfast. (she is allowed about 10 mins of TV during breakfast during which time I feed Junior and get dressed to work) It was already 8:45 ... I looked at the clock and said, sweetie you have about 5 mins for breakfast, I can feed you today if you want. But you don't get TV.
She was very very upset with the proposal on hand and yelled out. I could care less and continued to feed Junior. She repeatedly asked me to turn on the TV and I continued to ignore her. There is about 3 mins left I warned her ... if you don't eat now, you will not get any breakfast today. I don't want breakfast, I don't want lunch , I don't want to eat anything today ... she shouted back. Fine I said, and pretended to pull out the lunch box from her bag. She realised that I was going to have none of her gimmicks today. I want my lunch ... I will be hungry amma ... please keep the green apples for me. Her voice had gotten much softer now and she seemed more calm.
As I changed to my office wear, put on your socks and shoes before I am done, else you will go bare foot to school I announced. I heard no protest but she was crying by now. I picked my office bag to see her ready ... but she continues to cry. I asked Do you want me to clean your face or you want to tell today's story to your friends at school? Please clean me up, she requested.
We drove to school ... we were late by about 4 minutes. She apologised multiple times on the way to school for her bad behavior. Do you want to have some breakfast now I asked ... Yes amma .. she said. I immediately fed her few spoons of Poha (I would have never been able to eat in peace if she had refused her breakfast and I was damn hungry :( ) I waived her good bye and drove to work.
Most days are not so bad ... Cantaloupe understands her routine and likes her school. But to get her ready on time is somewhat a challenge ... but today was exceptionally bad. Most times I would have yelled at her for her bad behaviour ... it started out the same today as well ... but soon I took a different approach to deal with her. I think this "Non yelling" method is much better than the other one ... only I need to be consistent with it.
I prepared breakfast (poha), packed 3 lunch dabbas for BP, Cantaloupe and self, set the cooker for rice and dal, prepared fresh coffee decoction and was cutting the apples for Cantaloupe's lunch when I heard her voice. Meanwhile BP came down and left for work. I went upstairs to find Cantaloupe awake and wanted to play with Junior on her bed. The little was only too eager to oblige. Good... I can prepare rasam I thought and headed back to the kitchen. I could hear the girls having a good time. 10 mins later I went upstairs ... Junior jumped at me indicating she was done playing there and I asked Cantaloupe to come downstairs. We turned on some nursery rhymes and were singing and dancing for some time. I looked at the clock and it was close to 8'o clock. I asked Cantaloupe to rush to the bathroom so we were not late. Thats when everything started going wrong.
First she reminded me that she had not studied in the morning. (we usually sit together and study / pray for 15 mins in the morning). I was kind of worried we'd be late to school, but couldn't refuse her because afterall she wanted to "STUDY" :) She took her own sweet time to write the alphabets pausing every now and then to play with Junior and just look around or yawn. I was getting irritated by every second she was wasting but tried to be patient with her. It was around 8:20 and she was finally done. Good ! Now come on ... lets go for the bath I said. I am sleepy ... can I sleep? She asked. I knew she had her mind set on sleep .. How long? I asked ... Just 1 minute she assured me. I put the breakfast in a bowl and heated her milk and returned back and ordered her to go to the bathroom immediately. But I want to sleep for some more time she tried arguing.
Fine, I will get dressed and then take you to school in exactly the same state that you are in I said calmly. She thought I was kidding and didn't take me seriously.
2 minutes later I declared, I am done ironing my clothes, if I don't see you in the bathroom now, you will not get a bath. Perhaps it was my tone that made the difference and she went to the bathroom. I bathed her and out she came for a new tantrum. I don't want you to pick my clothes... I want to pick it. I said, its already picked and if you don't want to wear these, you get another to wear. She did not protest much.
She said her prayer and I gave her milk. She tried to be extra sweet and requested , Amma can I have my TV while eating breakfast. (she is allowed about 10 mins of TV during breakfast during which time I feed Junior and get dressed to work) It was already 8:45 ... I looked at the clock and said, sweetie you have about 5 mins for breakfast, I can feed you today if you want. But you don't get TV.
She was very very upset with the proposal on hand and yelled out. I could care less and continued to feed Junior. She repeatedly asked me to turn on the TV and I continued to ignore her. There is about 3 mins left I warned her ... if you don't eat now, you will not get any breakfast today. I don't want breakfast, I don't want lunch , I don't want to eat anything today ... she shouted back. Fine I said, and pretended to pull out the lunch box from her bag. She realised that I was going to have none of her gimmicks today. I want my lunch ... I will be hungry amma ... please keep the green apples for me. Her voice had gotten much softer now and she seemed more calm.
As I changed to my office wear, put on your socks and shoes before I am done, else you will go bare foot to school I announced. I heard no protest but she was crying by now. I picked my office bag to see her ready ... but she continues to cry. I asked Do you want me to clean your face or you want to tell today's story to your friends at school? Please clean me up, she requested.
We drove to school ... we were late by about 4 minutes. She apologised multiple times on the way to school for her bad behavior. Do you want to have some breakfast now I asked ... Yes amma .. she said. I immediately fed her few spoons of Poha (I would have never been able to eat in peace if she had refused her breakfast and I was damn hungry :( ) I waived her good bye and drove to work.
Most days are not so bad ... Cantaloupe understands her routine and likes her school. But to get her ready on time is somewhat a challenge ... but today was exceptionally bad. Most times I would have yelled at her for her bad behaviour ... it started out the same today as well ... but soon I took a different approach to deal with her. I think this "Non yelling" method is much better than the other one ... only I need to be consistent with it.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Equal Responsibility
The weekend was rather nice ... bright, sunny and warm after those cold days. Post lunch we went out for a walk. We had to return the borrowed DVDs as well. (Watched Oye Lucky ... nicely made movie) Cantaloupe chose to put on her skates. (bad choice) The moment we were out of our apartment complex, she wanted them out ... but her dad ignored her tantrums and continued to hold her, while she skated. I was only to happy to push the stroller and enjoy the sun. Junior was just glad to be out of the house.
On our way back, we went to the library, where we met one of BP's good friends. (we were meeting this couple after 5+ years ... and they were coming to our current house for the first time.) They have a son and I generally asked the boy how old he was .... he was initially shy and later said four ... and his father smiled. He was a little shorter than Cantaloupe and was very shy and talked little. Cantaloupe was excited to have company in playing and willingly led the way home.
Once we reached home, the little boy and Cantaloupe got busy playing and I settled down to talk to the mom while feeding Junior her snack. As is the case most of these days, I asked her opinion on Public schools and if she intended moving the boy from the Montessori he is going to a public school this year. She said, he still has sometime ... I was rather confused. (Public school applications are being distributed in the neighborhood right now and anyone willing to change should have known the same). As we got talking, I learnt that the boy had turned 3 just few days back ...uh??? (So why didn't the father correct the boy earlier ??? I thought)
Junior needed diaper change and BP took her inside to do the needful. The boy's mom was rather surprised / pleased to see that. BP changes diapers?? she asked. Oh yeah .. he does I responded. In 3+ years, the boy's father has not changed a single diaper she said. If I am at a mall or some place away from home and his diaper needs to be changed, he calls me up ... I rush home and change the diapers ... she continued. You are lucky she concluded. Her husband also shamelessly admitted that he had no clue which school the child went to OR which public school he'd be going to next year. He just said mom will take care of everything.
BP and I looked at each other ... BP beaming with pride for the compliment the lady just showered on him ... and me proud to have him as my husband.
Later BP told me that his friend is one of the best engineers he has ever come across ... has very high reputation in office. But I pointed out that, it was rather sad that he was not an involved dad.
Seriously ... aren't dads and moms equally responsible for their kids? Isn't changing diapers one of many things they are responsible for?
On our way back, we went to the library, where we met one of BP's good friends. (we were meeting this couple after 5+ years ... and they were coming to our current house for the first time.) They have a son and I generally asked the boy how old he was .... he was initially shy and later said four ... and his father smiled. He was a little shorter than Cantaloupe and was very shy and talked little. Cantaloupe was excited to have company in playing and willingly led the way home.
Once we reached home, the little boy and Cantaloupe got busy playing and I settled down to talk to the mom while feeding Junior her snack. As is the case most of these days, I asked her opinion on Public schools and if she intended moving the boy from the Montessori he is going to a public school this year. She said, he still has sometime ... I was rather confused. (Public school applications are being distributed in the neighborhood right now and anyone willing to change should have known the same). As we got talking, I learnt that the boy had turned 3 just few days back ...uh??? (So why didn't the father correct the boy earlier ??? I thought)
Junior needed diaper change and BP took her inside to do the needful. The boy's mom was rather surprised / pleased to see that. BP changes diapers?? she asked. Oh yeah .. he does I responded. In 3+ years, the boy's father has not changed a single diaper she said. If I am at a mall or some place away from home and his diaper needs to be changed, he calls me up ... I rush home and change the diapers ... she continued. You are lucky she concluded. Her husband also shamelessly admitted that he had no clue which school the child went to OR which public school he'd be going to next year. He just said mom will take care of everything.
BP and I looked at each other ... BP beaming with pride for the compliment the lady just showered on him ... and me proud to have him as my husband.
Later BP told me that his friend is one of the best engineers he has ever come across ... has very high reputation in office. But I pointed out that, it was rather sad that he was not an involved dad.
Seriously ... aren't dads and moms equally responsible for their kids? Isn't changing diapers one of many things they are responsible for?
Friday, October 26, 2007
Cantaloupe gets it from me !
Last weekend we bought some fresh ripe strawberry from the Farmer’s market. The very sight of them was inviting enough for anyone to gobble atleast a dozen.
Cantaloupe being an ardent strawberry sure enough ate her heart’s content.
As I saw her enjoy the strawberries, I was reminded of the time I was expecting Cantaloupe.
Strawberries were my favorite. Any time of the day, I was ready for them … mind you, I just had a mild liking for strawberry before I got pregnant. Somewhere, the pregnancy cravings kicked in and strawberries topped my chart of favorites at that time. I continue to eat them even now … but I am not crazy about them the way I used to be. Cantaloupe reserves that quality!!!
Also I had a distinct aversion to “Mustard seasoning” (tadka). I hated it … I would patiently separate out individual mustard seeds from the dish before I ate it. Thankfully Cantaloupe has not got this repulsion!! (again, I developed this dislike only during pregnancy)
Another friend of mine, when she was expecting said, she had developed a special liking for “Papads” and every meal HAD to go with papads. She also loved idlis and consumed loads and loads of them when she was pregnant. Sure enough … her little boy, is a true Idli fan. Anytime I know they are going to visit us, I make sure, I have soft idlis ready for the little boy!
I’d be interested in hearing any special likes / dislikes you might have developed during the “Special” period and see that your little one has inherited the same.
Cantaloupe being an ardent strawberry sure enough ate her heart’s content.
As I saw her enjoy the strawberries, I was reminded of the time I was expecting Cantaloupe.
Strawberries were my favorite. Any time of the day, I was ready for them … mind you, I just had a mild liking for strawberry before I got pregnant. Somewhere, the pregnancy cravings kicked in and strawberries topped my chart of favorites at that time. I continue to eat them even now … but I am not crazy about them the way I used to be. Cantaloupe reserves that quality!!!
Also I had a distinct aversion to “Mustard seasoning” (tadka). I hated it … I would patiently separate out individual mustard seeds from the dish before I ate it. Thankfully Cantaloupe has not got this repulsion!! (again, I developed this dislike only during pregnancy)
Another friend of mine, when she was expecting said, she had developed a special liking for “Papads” and every meal HAD to go with papads. She also loved idlis and consumed loads and loads of them when she was pregnant. Sure enough … her little boy, is a true Idli fan. Anytime I know they are going to visit us, I make sure, I have soft idlis ready for the little boy!
I’d be interested in hearing any special likes / dislikes you might have developed during the “Special” period and see that your little one has inherited the same.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Moral of the story
Last night I was narrating a bed time story to cantaloupe. I was narrating the “Grapes are sour story”
Me: There was a fox who was hungry… found grapes …… etc etc …. And then the fox jumped, jumped again and jumped again but had no success … finally the fox decided that the grapes are sour and went away.
Me(to myself): I must add some moral to this story …. Hmm … ok
Me(to Cantaloupe): So you know, you must never give up like the fox … you must keep trying, anything you cannot get is not sour really.
Got it?
Cantaloupe: Oh yeah amma
Me(so proud of her): So what did you understand?
Cantaloupe: I will keep jumping in the class !!!! I will never give up, no matter what !!
Me: WHAT ????????
Me: There was a fox who was hungry… found grapes …… etc etc …. And then the fox jumped, jumped again and jumped again but had no success … finally the fox decided that the grapes are sour and went away.
Me(to myself): I must add some moral to this story …. Hmm … ok
Me(to Cantaloupe): So you know, you must never give up like the fox … you must keep trying, anything you cannot get is not sour really.
Got it?
Cantaloupe: Oh yeah amma
Me(so proud of her): So what did you understand?
Cantaloupe: I will keep jumping in the class !!!! I will never give up, no matter what !!
Me: WHAT ????????
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